


you’re the habit that I can’t break (and I’ll always need you)

by orphan_account



Category: Running Man RPF
Genre: Alternate Canon, Canon Related, Developing Relationship, Drabble, Drama & Romance, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Maybe? Idk there's just too much feelings here, Romantic Friendship, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-17 10:30:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21052916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Some of them are just habits, and some are simply inevitable. Like breathing, or drinking water. The warmth, the scent, the feelings --Maybe he should just call it an addiction.Jong Kook played a long game with his phone.[inspired by episode 470 - What Happened at their Vacation Spot]





	you’re the habit that I can’t break (and I’ll always need you)

* * *

He listened to the ringing tone on the other side of the phone in silent. It kept ringing. And continued. Until it went to voicemail. He listened to the voicemail.

The thing was, Kim Jong Kook knew his call would go to voicemail.

He put the phone down and leaned over his apartment’s balcony. The humid air brushed his bangs across his forehead as he stared down at the traffic on the road. He had a meeting in five minutes, but he didn’t bother to move. Maybe he could blame the traffic for his lateness. It’s not uncommon to be stuck on the road for at least twenty-minutes especially around the rush hour.

* * *

“Yah, are you siding with Kim Jong Kook now?” Jae Suk pointed an accusing finger at Se Chan, who was just laughing and sneaked behind Jong Kook in teasing manner.

“Yes, I’m in Jong Kook-hyung’s team now,” Se Chan grinned. Jong Kook didn’t mind; he found the whole situation amusing especially when Jae Suk made that ridiculous expression; as if someone willing to be in his team is unheard of. “We’re good friends now, right hyung?”

Jong Kook slung an arm around the new member’s shoulder. It was not just an act of teasing Jae Suk though, he really did like the new maknae of the team. Though he's still getting used to So Min and her craziness. “Yes, he’s a really nice kid. Our relationship is closer nowadays. He’s my new favorite dongsaeng.” Jong Kook was like fishing for a bait; and from the corner of his sight, he caught a pair of eyes glaring at him. 

The rest of the members laughed as Jae Suk made a face, and glancing at his side, he saw Ji Hyo not-so-subtle elbowed the silence original maknae. He pretended not to notice. But Jae Suk did. Honestly, nothing escaped him. Sometimes it's a bit irritating, but Jae Suk never mean any harm, and he knew his boundaries despite his playfulness.

The cameras were rolling, the PDs were watching, and the writers were waiting. The opening segment between the members was in session.

“Quit that, Se Chan-ah. He only thinks you two are close so he can boss you around.” Jae Suk preached, while still maintaining his laughing and playful personality even while he's accusing Jong Kook's real motives. His eyes crinkled behind the glasses, but Jong Kook knew his hyung were staring at him trying to judge his next move.

Se Chan shrugged as if it don't matter, and plastered himself to Jong Kook’s side. “I’m ready to receive commands!”

Jae Suk threw his hands to the sky, as if praying to gods about Se Chan's sanity. Suk Jin was laughing at him. “I can’t believe this,” he muttered.

“You will regret saying that next week!” Haha butted in, pointing at Se Chan and laughing at him from the other end of the member’s line. “Don’t come crying to us after Jong Kook-hyung scolds you for not doing a good job at the mission!”

“Hey, I don’t scold people,” Jong Kook replied, grinning. They all knew that’s not true.

Suddenly, there were a pair of long arms sneaking around Jong Kook’s own shoulders in fierce grip. He glanced up to stare at Kwang Soo who was standing beside him with pursued lips. When did he moved all the way from the other line to his side, Jong Kook didn't know. He didn’t even realize when Suk Jin who was standing beside him a minute ago, moved aside to let Kwang Soo take his place.

Kwang Soo's fingers dug deep into his shirt, and his eyes were looking at everything but Jong Kook. Jae Suk glanced at them a few times, but didn't say anything. He didn't need to.

He saw Se Chan grinning at Kwang Soo, but Kwang Soo avoided looking at him too.

“Me too!” So Min suddenly raised her hand, bouncing excitedly. Ji Hyo had to dodged being hit by her. “I want to be Jong Kook-oppa’s team too! I’m sick of being in Jae Suk-oppa’s team.”

“Yah! Jeon So Min! How dare you!”

* * *

_I always said that I’d mess up eventually, I told you that_  
_ So what did you expect from me? To call?_

.

.

“Is this okay, Jong Kook-shii?”

He looked up from the screen of his phone. The three agents and coordinator who were sitting across the meeting table (Jong Kook almost forgot their names) stared at him waiting for his answer. Gap Jin slowly slide a handout to him, pointing at the terms and conditions that they were discussing, and the profit amount circled in red pen.

He guiltily scanned the document without reading it much, just asking his manager about his opinion. Gap Jin replied that he will be taking the handout and all other necessary documents first and maybe get their lawyer in the meeting too before signing anything. The three people across the table just nodded and agreed on the next scheduled meeting.

As they left the building, Jong Kook pushed on his sunglasses and climbed into the car. Gap Jin claimed the driver seat, and they pulled on their seat belts on before leaving the premise.

“You okay?” Gap Jin asked. It was direct and on point. Jong Kook hated that sometimes. “Your head is in the cloud.”

“Thinking,” Jong Kook said, resting his elbow on the car’s window.

“Not about the meeting, obviously.” They arrived at an intersection and he stopped the car in front of the traffic light. “You seem restless. Are you sick?”

Jong Kook frowned. “Do I look sick?”

“No—but you look—” The light turned green, and Gap Jin continued their journey. “There’s obviously something—you don’t seem relax, as if you’re itching for something.” He trailed off. Jong Kook couldn’t deny this. They had been friends for years; Gap Jin could read him like an open book. He _was_ restless. He felt something heavy in the pit of his stomach. His fingers were twitching as if he’s searching for something to grab on.

“Or maybe you just want to go to the gym.”

They laughed. Yeah, that sounds about right.

* * *

It was mid-afternoon and it was sweltering hot outside. The staffs and production team were discussing about how to continue their activities outside and at the same time avoid people from getting heat-stroke. Thankfully their resting venue were blasting off air-conditioners from each side of the room. 

“Hyung,”

Jong Kook looked up from his comfortable seat in the sofa. Kwang Soo was peering down at him, holding a drinking bottle and a light sweater. He wanted to be surprise, but he didn’t. This is just how Kwang Soo takes care of people. He observed people’s situation and acts rather than dwelling. It has not change in the past nine years. 

“I know it’s hot outside but you’re sitting directly in front of the air-conditioner. You should wear warmer.”

The long fingers wrapped the sweater around his shoulders and Jong Kook resisted the urge to take the hands and pressed his cheek against the warmth.

It was a ridiculous thought. The weather was hot enough as it is. He didn't need more heat. 

But Kwang Soo didn’t take his hands away. His thumbs made small circles between his neck and shoulder blades and Jong Kook sighed loudly, head lolling to the back of the sofa. Before he closed his eyes, he saw Kwang Soo smiling down at him.

Kwang soo felt so near; Jong Kook could almost smell him-- but his presence seemed far, far away.

“That feels nice,” he mumbled, his voice was drown by the noise of life and chatters around them. But he knew Kwang Soo heard him. 

Later on, the PDs called them out to gather as the cameras were set up, and the warm hands vanished in an instant.

* * *

_Guess that I know what I already know, I was better with you_  
_ And I miss you now_

.

.

“Are you waiting for a call?”

Jong Kook stopped pushing his food around, turning from his silent phone to Haha who was sitting beside him, peering him up from behind his huge fashion glasses.

“Not really,” Jong Kook shrugged, finally giving up on his meal and put down his chopsticks. He wasn’t really hungry anyway.

Haha contemplated for a while before shrugging it off. He, Dong Hoon and Se Chan were currently having dinner at a restaurant near Jong Kook’s apartment. The food was a bit expensive, but Jong Kook loved the healthy meals they provided. And plus, it has a private room, which is perfect for them when they need to talk about confidential things, away from the prying eyes and curious ears.

“It’s only Wednesday, hyung.” Haha muttered, his elbow knocking on Jong Kook’s arm.

“I—I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jong Kook huffed, pretending to be angry so Haha could drop the subject. But Haha knew him too well, and they’re very close.

Looking from across the table, the youngest member blinked owlishly. “Does Jong Kook-hyung dating someone?” Se Chan gasped scandalously and leaned over, almost knocking his glass off. “Can you tell me who it is?”

Haha grinned cheekily. “It’s Ji Hyo.”

Se Chan gaped and Jong Kook rolled his eyes.

“I’m kidding, that’s just nonsense things we talk on the show to make things interesting,” Haha poured himself another glass of water, and raised his eyebrows at Se Chan. “Soon you will have the same scene to go through. Ji Hyo is too mature for you. So of course, we will be pairing you with So Min.”

Pushing his plate aside, Se Chan frowned slightly. “I don’t like her that way,”

“Just play along, it’s just a game.” Jong Kook said, smirking.

Haha nodded and pointed at him. “This hyung has been in countless scandal-related rumors. And not any of them are proven and has come out. Why? Because if it’s not proven and as long as he or the other are not a married person, we just let it fly around. And then they soon died, just like that.”

“I’ve dated a couple of times, but it’s not worth mentioning to public.” Jong Kook added. “We like to keep things more… private.”

Se Chan nodded in understanding. Jong Kook did tell him a couple of people he'd dated in the past; though as far as he remembered, his hyung's last relationship seems to be almost seven to eight years ago? “So Jong Kook-hyung really doesn’t date anyone at the moment?” Really, how could a handsome and successful hyung like this haven't date in eight years? That's not possible right? 

There was silence for a minute. Jong Kook glanced at his phone.

The screen was black.

His neck felt itchy for no reason. And cold. He felt cold all over. He unconsciously grabbed the tablecloth a little too hard.

Se Chan noticed this immediately and worriedly glance at Haha who was just smiling as if he's hiding a candy bar behind him.

“No, no one.”

* * *

The fear in Kwang Soo’s eyes were obvious and loud. He was shouting and yelling and making a fuss to avoid looking at the snake and his usual warm hands were like ice in Jong Kook’s hands. The rest of the members stayed far away and laughed; some in pity and some in amusement, eyes glued on the taller man who was on his knees and trying to be brave.

He himself was amused at the situation. Kwang Soo never fail to make him laugh with his antics.

“I can’t do this, I can’t do this,” Kwang Soo’s voice was hoarse, and he was stuttering; and he looked close to tears. His frame was rigid and frozen, and Jong Kook stopped teasing him.

“Kwang Soo, forget it.” Jae Suk called him out once the snake-keeper took the snake back, and Jong Kook immediately went to hug him-- feeling the damp of cold sweat on Kwang Soo’s neck. He mumbled an apology and Kwang Soo was back to his determined and stubborn self.

If the mission only needs one of them to succeed, he wouldn’t mind much. He would even make sure that Kwang Soo and the snake stay far, far away from each other. But they need this win.

Yes, it was fun to tease Kwang Soo, but Jong Kook was not about to be cruel. Especially when he saw how scared Kwang Soo was.

Kwang Soo took a deep breath and tried for the second time.

“Hurry up and make eye contact,” Ji Hyo was cheering on Kwang Soo by his side, holding Kwang Soo by the elbow. “Just three seconds,”

The PD counted—too slow for Kwang Soo’s liking—and right after three, Kwang Soo let out a frustrated grunt and the snake-keeper carefully lifted Norang from Kwang Soo’s neck.

“Kwang Soo-yah, good job.” Jong Kook said, as he patted the younger man’s back. He was proud. Kwang Soo slowly lifted his pale face and Jong Kook couldn’t help it. He pulled Kwang Soo to his side, feeling Kwang Soo slumped his whole body against him and pushed his face into Jong Kook’s shirt to seek comfort. Jong Kook smiled down at him as he brushed back Kwang Soo’s messy hair, wiping the cold sweat on his forehead.

“Can you stand, Kwang Soo-yah?” Ji Hyo approached them, bringing Kwang Soo a drink. Kwang Soo pushed himself away from Jong Kook and nodded, standing up slowly and accepted the drink his noona has brought.

Even after they successfully fed the crocodiles, Jong Kook could still feel the trail of Kwang Soo’s warmth pressed against his side.

* * *

_Never thought that giving up would be so hard_

.

.

The auto-key let out a melody, and the front door was unlocked. Jong Kook stepped into the dark house while searching for the light switch.

The living room cluttered with things as usual; decorative pillows, colorful rugs, action figures lining up the shelves—much different than his minimalist, simple apartment. But it felt more like home than his own. Probably because he did spend more time here. Jong Kook went to put the takeaway box on the table top which scattered with papers. The tabletop was black (Jong Kook’s favorite color) and glossy. It was sleek, modern and very practical as the top could be rise to accomodate people sitting on the couch. Jong Kook loved it so much he decided to have the same one at his own house.

There was a couple of clothes lying on the sofa; he picked them up and went to the back room where the washing machine was pile high with laundry. He snorted, and started sorting out the clothes, and loaded the machine with whites.

The trash can was empty, which made him relief. At least the house was still well taken care of. Then he went to his room next to the master bedroom and put his wallet and phone on the bedside table. The sheets were freshly washed, and the curtains was drawn close. His clothes was clumsily folded and arranged in the wardrobe. Honestly, he wouldn't mind if there's no wardrobe. There's a huge closet next room anyway. 

It was nearly eleven at night when he decided to keep the takeaway in the fridge. All the laundry has been washed and hang to dry, and the papers of scripts on the tabletop has been neatly stacked in the study room. But he didn’t bother to close the curtains overlooking the balcony. The apartment was in a high-rise building anyway; and Seoul in summer night felt soothing in contrast to the hot, summer day.

Jong Kook changed to more comfortable clothes, and went to bed.

He was awake with a sudden jolt in the middle of the night. In his drowsy state, he immediately noticed the familiar feel of long arms around his torso and a head full of hair in his mouth.

Jong Kook lifted his head a little and tried to squint at the clock on his phone. “What time is it?” he whispered into the dark room.

“Half past four,” Kwang Soo mumbled into his neck. “Why did you have to call when I’m busy filming and unable to pick up the phone? You always do this.”

Guilty, Jong Kook let out a deep grunt and let his head hit the pillow, before turning on his side so his front was pressed against Kwang Soo; hands running along Kwang Soo’s back, feeling the bones there. Kwang Soo had become thinner again.

“I know, I’m sorry.” He said. Jong Kook knew Kwang Soo was busy, and he knew the call would go to voicemail. He memorized Kwang Soo's work schedule anyway. He knew Kwang Soo would be too busy to pick up his call.

Jong Kook didn't know why he did that; is this some kind of punishment for Kwang Soo? For himself? 

He didn’t want to be disappointed. That's why he always called when Kwang Soo was busy. So he knew, that Kwang Soo _couldn't_ pick up his call, and not because he _didn't want_ to pick up his call. 

Because if Kwang Soo picked up the call, he would start to hope again.

And hoping for something that can never happen; is a dangerous game. 

Jong Kook buried his nose into the unruly hair.

“You’re sweating,” he said. The shirt Kwang Soo was wearing was the same one he wore last evening. Too busy to pick up a call; too busy to even change a shirt. Probably too busy to eat too. 

Probably too busy to miss him too. 

“Sorry,” Kwang Soo replied, trying to move back to keep a distance between them, but Jong Kook was having none of it. He pulled the taller man back immediately and sighed in relief when Kwang Soo’s warmth wrapped around him. “Am I stink?”

Reaching up, Jong Kook gently brushed a thumb against Kwang Soo's deep and bruised under eyes. Immediately he felt guilty of being an inconsiderate hyung at his dongsaeng who had been working hard. “No, of course not.”

They stayed silent for a while, just listening to each other’s breathing and steady heartbeats. Kwang Soo was too long and too tall to be fitted against anyone; but Jong Kook knew how to scoop the man into his arms—arranged him in position that could make Kwang Soo melt against him.

“I miss you,” Kwang Soo sighed, and Jong Kook could feel the lips moving on his skin. “Tell me you miss me too.”

Jong Kook closed his eyes. Relief was an understatement. The itchiness on the back of his neck was gone. The heavy feelings in the pit of stomach earlier? He had never felt lighter the whole day. His twitching hands had something to grab on now; one under the two days shirt, splayed across Kwang Soo’s clammy skin right upon his below spine, and another deep into Kwang Soo’s messy, damp hair, fingers pressed against the scalp. His lips were just right upon the shell of Kwang Soo's left ear. 

“Every day.”

.

.

.

_But god, I’m missing you and your addictive heart._

_._

_._

_._

_\- end -_


End file.
